Will and Brian present to your office for couples counseling. Both partners identify as “gay.” Will is a 39-year-old African American male, and Brian is a 42- year-old-Caucasian male. They have been dating for 5 years and living together for 2 ½ years. Will and Brian report that they have been fighting frequently over the past year about one issue: that Will is not out to his family. Both partners agree that overall, they are satisfied with and committed to their relationship. Both partners express that they want to “take our relationship to the next level” with by getting married. They would like to plan their wedding for next year.

Brian has been out to his family since he was 19 years old. He reports that he has a “dear” relationship with his parents and siblings. Brian says that he knows he is “lucky because my family accepted me being gay from the beginning. They always showed they loved me no matter what.” Will also states that he is “close” with Brian’s family and has spent the last several major holidays at their house. Will and Brian frequently eat dinner with his parents, who live about 30 minutes away.

Will, on the other hand, has never come out to his family. He moved about 4 hours away from his family to attend college, and never went back to his hometown. He states that he has one cousin who is his “best friend” that knows he is gay and is with Brian. Will describes his relationship with his parents as “distant.” He says, “It was always their way or the highway, so I got out when I could. I knew they’d never accept that I was gay, especially my father.” Will says he talks to his parents about 1-2 times a month, and does visit on occasion. Will’s parents met Brian once right after they moved in together, but Will introduced him as a “roommate,” to which Will’s father berated him for not being “man enough” to live on his own. Will states that he is scared if he comes out to his parents, that they will cut all ties with him. Also, he says, “Everyone in my community will know and look at me like I’m disgusting. I can’t take that. How can I face never being able to go home again?”

Brian states that he understands Will’s predicament but that Will’s “home” is now with him, and that he feels “hurt” that Will won’t acknowledge their relationship to his parents. Brian says, “How do we go forward if Will hides who he is and who he loves from his family? It’ll always be like living a lie. He should tell them and rip off the Band-Aid. And there’s always a chance they’ll still love him.” Will says Brian doesn’t understand what it’s like to be an African American gay male, saying it’s a “double whammy.” Will states, “I don’t want to ‘live a lie’ either but I don’t know how else to maintain my connections to all of the most important people in my life.”

Untitled Maze

Organization

Stats

Share

Related Maze